Hello, friends!

We might not have met, but to me, you ARE a friend. You see, for as long as I can remember, I have had an insatiable desire to hold others in my heart. I live to make a difference, and that cannot happen unless I open myself to others. It’s a risk, can be both a blessing and a curse, yet gives life such meaning on so many levels!

Somehow, the most interesting revelations come to me while doing such mundane tasks. After making the bed this morning, I mused, “I’ve made the bed… That was the last thing my mother ever taught me.” Suddenly a plethora of ideas overcame me all at once, like a tsunami after an magnitude 8.5 earthquake. I could do nothing to stay this tidal onslaught, so I surrendered, and allowed it to carry me away to my computer.

As you can read about in my soon-to-be-released memoir (Room in the Heart; Surviving a Childhood Undone, Fulfilling a Pact to Love) I have no relationship with my mother. That is not sad, because in actuality, my mother taught me everything NOT to be. Eventually though, when it was time for me to become what I would be; my mother simply refused to tolerate the boundaries in our relationship and my heart. I believe every relationship has a finite length; ours lasted far too long, apart from the many lessons she inadvertently taught me even when all I longed for from her was the simple act of love.

I distinctly remember our last visit. I went to visit her at her tidy, highly decorated, compulsively-cleaned condo. We ventured into her room, where I saw her perfectly-dressed bed. In our all-too-busy lives, we have to find a balance, a compromise. At some point I decided that making the bed was not the most important priority for me. Clean sheets, most definitely. Covers turned succinctly over the duvet, and pillow shams positioned like bookends, hugging dead-center, NOT gonna happen.

I asked her why, when she lived alone, she made her bed each and every day. Who was going to see whether her bed was made or not? Her response was, “Why wouldn’t you? When you begin each day by making your bed, you have accomplished at least one productive activity. Then at night, you have the luxury of getting into a tidy, fresh bed and aren’t trying to scramble through wrinkled sheets.” It all made sense to me. Much more sense than our relationship ever could! From that day on, I made the bed.

Amidst the raging tsunami waters, it dawned on me; she also made her bed in our relationship. Needless to say, we all make our beds in one way, or another, literally, figuratively, or both!

Friendships, relationships, and all interactions are borne from some need. It is this very need that prompts us to move, take action, or make a decision. This brings me to realize that you don’t really have to have a bed, to make one. Even homeless people who sleep in boxes, make their beds each time a kind citizen offers them money. They can choose what they will use it for; food to sustain themselves, or alcohol/drugs to numb their circumstances. Those who walk past them as they beg on the street make their beds, as well. They might have mercy on these downtrodden souls, be a world-citizen, and choose to give them leftovers from their dinner out, or, they might simply walk past them using the “tough love” philosophy; if you continue to hand them food and money they will have no impetus to take responsibility for their own means. We make our beds in the decisions we make, and how they affect others. What really matters is the impact these decisions will have.

People who decide to drink and drive make their bed in prison. Sadly, the loved ones of those who are killed by the drunk driver, are forced- at some point- to make their beds. They can choose to utilize the tragedy to educate others about drinking and driving. They could also choose to push the pain away by retreating into a permanent state of hold, giving up, becoming bitter because the anger is the last shred of keeping alive the person who has died, or they choose to be forever drowning in the painful waters of loss.

So, here's what I propose: if tomorrow you choose to make your bed, it can be the perfect opportunity to decide to be present the rest of the day, as you are making your bed in so many ways. How will you affect others, and what effect will it then have on YOU?