Yesterday a sweet friend said goodbye. Sometimes it’s so hard to accept the changes life brings.

No more running into her at all the familiar places: carpool lines, back-to-school nights and the neighborhood walks you loved. No more meeting for coffee and catching up on life. No more of all the wisdom and humor she brought to those she loved and those who loved her. She’s gone.

Our poor girl. I thought you were okay. We all did.

No one knew you were barely clinging to a tether that was more and more tattered with each passing day. Who would have even known? We all watched you continue to be heroic in conquering cancer that threatened to take you down. Twice you bravely endured all that was necessary to eradicate this savage disease. Evidently, it took more from you than anyone realized.

To those on the fringes of your life, you still looked like you and sounded like you. When all was said and done, you still had your life, yet you lost the part of your world that was worth living and fighting for. The courage and gumption you displayed always made me wonder how you marched on. It was as if you wrote the music and became the conductor. Through progressive challenges, you never skipped a beat. But then the music stopped. Your life became a slow, steady, silent stumble.

Cutting through the silence was the maddening voice of depression. That constant cacophony that could not be tuned out. Such a stubborn clawing at your soul. Depression is such a brilliant debater- there to remind us we don’t matter and we never really did. No one truly cares about us; we are a burden. Each time a semblance of hopefulness crept in, it was chased away by the rabid dogs of this heinous mental illness, this sick and selfish robber of joy. Downright determined to take us down, it goes where we do, and never leaves our side. Persistent and perseverant, it befriends and belittles simultaneously. It builds a fence around us, keeping others out while isolating us, its victims, from those who might have saved us.

No one knew, not even your own family. But your loss leads us to reach out and save others from your destiny. In your death, you will save lives. That very quiet noise of deep depression has inadvertently led to a loud voice we will ensure many will hear.

I know heaven will be kind to you and care for your weary soul. Surely the universe will look out for your husband and children. You did the best you could. And now, in the stillness of the night when your loss leads to a dark, desperate silence, a new morning promises to bring resilience and light that your absence cannot hinder.

Petrina, your music will once again play for the many who loved and adored you. Let your beautiful new wings fly you to where you can make a difference wherever you are. We will remember you- and remind others that there is always hope. Rest In Peace, my friend.